A text for your teenager explaining what’s happening to them

Destructive behavior

The circumstances of war can so rob you of control over your life that it seems the only option left is destruction. This destructive force can be directed at an unknown enemy, at anything that reminds you of it, or even at yourself. Even harming yourself by creating a risky situation can be easier than enduring the pressure of anger within. It’s important to remember that you don’t have to control everything. No one does. Life is much more complex than the ability to influence it. Your sphere of control is your choice in how you will respond to what happens.

Trauma as a connection to heroes

In films, legends, and myths, heroes are almost always disfigured by wounds, scars, and other marks of combat accomplishment. Sometimes, self-harm can be a means of affirming heroic aspirations and courage. But true success lies in achievements and values. As one sensei said, “A bruise doesn’t indicate participation in a duel, but rather a blow taken.”

Physical pain is easier than mental pain

As described above, emotional pain is more intense than physical pain, but it’s still better to deal with it than to aggravate the situation with new wounds, punctures, or cuts. It’s normal when you can’t cope with this on your own. There are specially trained professionals for this: psychologists, sociologists, and psychiatrists.

Hopelessness and powerlessness

Emotional trauma can be exaggerated, that is, greatly exacerbating the problem. For example, the inability to cope with a multitude of unresolved problems can be perceived as complete doom or even the wrath of higher powers. It’s important to take inventory of the simple things that are still affected: cleaning, cooking, hygiene, walks, and so on.

Shame and guilt

Shame creates the impression that all of society is judging and hostile to your actions. Guilt is your personal judgment of your actions. Both feelings can be heightened in extreme circumstances. The best thing to do in such a situation is to postpone judgment until calmer times. In extremely challenging circumstances, it’s more important to listen to your instincts and ensure your safety and needs are met. As in a plane crash, you should put the oxygen mask on yourself first.

Fear

Many dream of being fearless, but without this feeling, people would be unable to recognize threats and would die immediately after birth. Fear is not only normal but also a valuable sensation. The body very well describes fear, whether through trembling, agitation, or, conversely, chills and tremors. Trust the value of these signals. In reality, there are very few instances in life when these symptoms need to be overcome.

Self-care is the best way to protect yourself from the impact of extreme situations. Research confirms that people with integrity and a positive attitude toward themselves survive disasters with significantly fewer losses and refrain from harmful temptations. Excessive demands on oneself are more likely to lead to deception (creating a positive impression instead of reality) or escape (literal isolation, creating a fictitious reality instead of real successes), or substance abuse.

Childhood doesn’t have difficult responsibilities, but teenagers have too many. Therefore, it’s important to increase the provision of care and protection during this period.